Appreciating the Singledom

Being single is easy but being happy is another story. We know that being single can bring loneliness to a person particularly if he is made to couple. Being single can happen in many different reasons. It’s either you broke-up with your over-controlling boyfriend or you chose to be single all the way. Some believe that being single is boring, that is why they keep finding their partners after each break-up. For me, it is one of the most debilitating actions one can do after a painful relationship because it can only cause problems in the long run. It will be better to relax while you are single and have most of your time with yourself.

Let’s kill the boredom in your singledom! You know, there are a lot of people who celebrate their singleness while some remain in pain. We can say that being single is both a blessing and a pain.

Being single is a pain if:

your singleness is caused by a past – If you’re still doomed by your past relationship, you may feel lonely and miserable. Some remain this way until they found a new relationship and the cycle of breaking-up and being a couple goes on endlessly.   

you are always looking for an intimate relationship – You envy every couple you see at the mall and you always wish that you’re that girl. You are longing for someone to hold your hands, hug you and kiss you. Your desire for an intimate relationship may push you to watch romance movies. Latterly, you’ll feel too affected by the characters and hope for a perfect love. Then, you’ll end up seeing yourself always daydreaming about your prince every second of the day!

you are affected by social stigma – Some believe that being single holds a certain amount of stigma. You may feel it when all of your friends have partners every time you go to the party and you just sit alone somewhere. Though, it is nice to get married and have someone to come home to, it’s not the case with other people! We must put in mind that being single must not become an identity because it is just a matter of fact.

you feel bored all the time – It is the feeling of not wanting to go anywhere because you don’t have any company. You’re anxious that you’ll not enjoy your walk so you end up staying at home doing your boring routine!

On the other hand, being single is a blessing because:

you can do whatever you want with your life – No one will judge you the way you do things. And, the only insecurities that you will deal with are your own. You can do what your heart desires anywhere at any time like: going anywhere, going with anyone, doing your own hobbies, partying overnight, etc.. I would like to add that, you will never get annoyed because no one will tell you that you cannot go, you can’t do this, etc..

of financial security – You do not need to compromise with your wife or with your husband your one-month salary. You can definitely buy anything you want and there would be no one who’ll say that what you bought is nonsense. You have most of the time for your career. Therefore, you will be able to pay all your bills.

inlaws will never become an issue – How many comedy TV series have portrayed living with in-laws as a joke? According to research, living with in-laws can raise a woman’s chance of developing heart disease up to three times! Living with in-laws is a common issue particularly with married couples. In-laws become annoying when they disagree about how to raise kids and when they criticize how you cook and clean the house.

you have your own house, car and space – What about the blessing of finding your things where you put them exactly? You can meditate whenever you want. And, no one will tell you to keep the noise down!

you have your own schedule – Every holiday trip is your own call. You don’t need to discuss your trips with someone and no one will say that you cannot go.

So, how can you be happy being single? You have all the blessings but you still feel losing because everyone is paired off except you! Don’t be ashamed because we are now living in a time where most relationships have no guarantee that will last a life time. Just read the easy steps below and sooner you will realize that being single can give you more benefits. And, the prince that you always dream about is just an icing on a cake!

     1.       Focus on your career. Get rich! (Just kidding.. ^^) But it makes sense at some point. You’ll never be single forever. Eventually, you will think about settling down. Focusing on your career can be a way to gear up your future. And, you will have enough time choosing the right man for you. However, it can lead you to the right direction if you are not really a marrying type. Just relax and stay focused. You now have much time for your success.

     2.       Reality check. Stop your envious look at each couple you see at the street. You are single. That is the reality. Always remind yourself why you want to be single. Stop fantasizing about the leading man in the movie you just watched. Their actions are unnatural because the director told them to. Those movies are made to become a box-office hit and not to become your fantasy world. Accept the reality and be happy about it.

     3.       Find a new hobby. What a great opportunity to find a new hobby and enhance your own talents! Try something new. Sometimes, you need to leave your comfort zone so you can find a better place. Try doing outdoor activities like skating, jogging and sight-seeing. Meet friends. Go to the gym. Try painting, cross-stitching and cooking even if you cannot do it in the past. You’ll never trade the excitement that you might feel about your new knowledge and skills!

     4.       Don’t listen to society. The society is one of the best pressure sources of our lives. It is either your Mom forcing you to get married or your friends who constantly ask you if you are already dating anyone. Just do whatever you want to do. You have this kind of freedom and I assure you, they envy you for that. Ask a married woman for 20 years and she will surely wish to be a single woman again!

     5.       Be happy about yourself. Don’t feel ashamed to go in a restaurant alone. Just enter and treat yourself. Stigma will only affect you if you allow it to. Stop all the negations in your life; always look at the positive. It’s the right time to be the best person you can ever be to others as well as to yourself. Pamper yourself; go to the salon or spa. You deserve a new nail polish. Take note that you cannot make anyone happy if you are not happy about yourself. Be beautiful, be happy!

     

     Tags: staying happy, happy relationship, happy single, how to be happy, social stigma, relationship problems, stigma, relationships, relationship advice, single parent, single mom, single quotes, loneliness, boredom, how to stay single

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Girls! 15 Signs that you’ve moved on from your Ex

Someone asked me on Facebook, “What is the hardest thing to do in life?”. I answered, “Doing nothing?”, thinking that he is just initiating a joke. Then, he answered, “It’s moving on.”. He sounds like he is still joking around (because that is his usual character) but if I will consider my instinct; it’s obvious that he’s not yet moved on from his previous relationship. Or, he does not know if he has moved on already or not. Time heals all wounds. Still, there comes a time when we wonder if we have moved on already from a painful relationship.

So, how would you know if you have moved on already? Of course there are always signs that you are moving on! My friend above is a guy. The list below goes primarily with the girls but guys can also enjoy this specially if you can relate!

     1.       You’re heart does not pound like “dug-dug-dug-dug-dug” anymore when he is around. You will know it if you always see him at work or at school. Or, when you suddenly see him at the mall or at the street.

     2.       You’re not checking his profile on Facebook or any social networking sites that he is using. You are not wondering anymore about what he is currently doing in his life. And, even if you clicked on his profile, you do not feel affected if you see him in photos with another girl.

     3.       You can reply on his text messages without feeling bitter. Some chooses to ignore their ex-boyfriend’s text messages. But, it will be better to show him that you are now BETTER and not BITTER. Just reply him without the silent hope that you will be again together. Now, you see his name in your inbox just like an ordinary texter.

     4.       You saw that dress he gave to you in your closet but you did not even flinch. You know that he gave it to you but it did not made you miss him. Instead, you deem that you can use that dress in other occasions so it’s better to be in there.

     5.       You stopped wondering when he will call, text or send you an e-mail. You know that your phone will not ring anymore the way it was and you don’t care. You know that he will not text you or attempt to send you an e-mail. You know that it is all over and you can feel your peace of mind.

     6.       You saw him in person with another girl and you don’t even feel jealous. Just be nice when they tried to approach you. 

     7.       If someone asks you if you have a boyfriend, you will just simply say NONE or NO. It’s because you know and you’re heart says that you are now ready for a new relationship.

     8.       You’re not badmouthing him with other people. Some girls do it! You cannot move on from him if you continue badmouthing him. The worst thing that may happen to you is you will be left by your friends because you are always saying the same things. Just be cool.

     9.       It was his birthday last Monday and you don’t remember until this morning. Well, maybe you are too busy thinking about other’s birthday!

     10.   You feel contented wherever you go. You are now single and you are happy with it.

     11.   No crying moments when you remember him. You’re not crying every single night because you are over-thinking the memories you shared together.

     12.   You do not think about him when you are with another guy. You don’t compare this guy to your Ex. Certainly, you see this guy as he is and not as your Ex.

     13.   You can share the story behind your break-up when your friend asked about it. You are now comfortable to tell your story. You’ve learned your lessons and you are now laughing at your mistakes.

     14.   You don’t hold any grudge for him. You are just happy for him.

     15.   You can say to yourself that you have moved on without doubts. If you can do this, then you are already moved on.

Usually, you know from yourself that everything is over. The tips above are just indicators that he is completely out of your life as a boyfriend. Enjoy!

Tags: moving on, how to move on, moving on from an ex, how move on, signs moving on, relationship advice, relationships,  getting over, over you

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Coping with your Girlfriend’s Loss

I was with my friend last Tuesday so I could attend his girlfriend’s funeral. This friend of mine is one of my previous students. He is kind of older than me and I see him as a friend as well as his girlfriend. I was in shock when I received his SMS confirming that his girlfriend has passed already. She died due to asthma the day after the New Year’s Day. I think I was in denial for an hour because the girl is still young and I’ve been with her several times when I was working. Besides, she is one of the students who I was able to talk to about personal matters. I am one of the first persons who knew that they were dating already. We kept it in secret to the class but the news eventually exploded. Last Monday, I was again their witness but that time, it’s their heartbreaking separation and her boyfriend’s grief.

We know that any kind of loss can be difficult to someone to cope with. For me, death of a loved one regardless of the title is the most devastating. The intensity of heartbreak depends on how much you loved a person, how long you’ve been together and the kind of relationship you had.

Grief is a natural response to loss. Death of the loved one can cause the most intense grief. In 1969, a Swiss American psychiatrist named Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D. introduced the Five Stages of Grief in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying.

                The following are the stages of grief:

·         Denial

·         Anger

·         Bargaining

·         Depression

·         Acceptance

Everyone experience grief differently. It is not necessary to feel all of the stages. Sometimes, you undergo with two or three stages. You may also undergo all of the stages but in different sequence. However, when you got into acceptance you will be able to have a healthy life and move on with another relationship.

So, how would you do it?

Below are my tips.

     1.       Acceptance. Accept the reality that you will never be with your girlfriend anymore. She is now gone forever. Yes, it is hard to accept that the person who was with you the other day or the person you were talking on the phone twenty minutes ago is no more. Of course, it will be easy for you to deny the truth and make yourself believe that she is alive. Maybe, you are still in shock. But, the hard truth is you cannot see or even touch her anymore. Mourn, cry, skip meals and be alone. Express your grief in any safe way possible. That may help in the coping process. 

     2.       Be with your friends. They may help you in any struggle that you are going through. It’s time for you to show them your vulnerable side. Share with them whatever you feel. Putting up a brave face and continuing your daily activity like nothing happened will only make it worse in the long run. It’s not the right time to lock yourself in your room but it’s the right time to hang with your friends so you could have a shoulder to cry on and people to console you.

     3.       Choose positive thoughts. You may experience the longing feeling for your dead girlfriend. You may be pre-occupied by her memory and sense like she is in the same room! And because you cannot think of anything else, you cannot concentrate on other things. It’s OK to feel sad. But it is a kind of situation where no one has any control. Death is one of the mysteries of life and it happens for reasons that only our God can understand. It will be better if you celebrate and be contented with the good times and memories that you shared together. Treasure and stay connected with her friends and continue whatever unfinished business she has. Begin to appreciate the good things that you have including your job, education and your family. The bottom line is to choose positive thoughts and STOP focusing on your loss.

     4.       Be engaged in fun activities. Pursue your dreams and don’t get discouraged because of your loss. Concentrating on other things will divert your thoughts. Play basket ball, computer games, cards or chess. Listen to uplifting music and watch movies. These activities can give you comfort and help you cope with your loss. Of course, your loved one in heaven do not want to see you alone and constantly disturbed. Do things that will make her proud. Believe that she is always watching you.

     5.       Count on time. The first few weeks of her death are usually the most difficult period. But, as time goes by, you will begin to accept your loss. Your grief will eventually subside and you can begin to re-adjust your life. It happens naturally. The duration of healing process differs for different individuals so be patient with yourself. However, if after a very reasonable period of time and you’re not still moved on, you should consult a counselor for the appropriate therapy.

Good Luck and may you be able to cope with your loss!

In loving memory of my student, Rosalyn Ilagan.

Tags: death, relationship advice, coping with, girlfriend's death, loss, relationships 

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Six Reasons why you should leave a Relationship

When is the right time to say goodbye to a relationship? When you were starting together, sky is the limit for your happiness. You met the best guy who brought up the best in you. He is the person who used to surprise you with candle lights in a dinner; open the car door for you; make you laugh through his jokes; hold your hands; and many other doings that made you feel like ‘oh my God! He is the one.. XoXo’. Now, you feel like you are trapped and confused. You do not know if you will keep holding on to your old feelings or just choose to leave.

Time flies. Some things changed. You do not know any longer if you are still in the right place. 

Knowing when to walk away might save you from procrastination.

The tips below might help you decide to leave your relationship.

1. Your trust has been broken many times that resorted to cheating emotionally or physically. A relationship without trust will not work. If you have trust issues, talk with your partner. If nothing changed, it’s time to end your relationship. You deserve some peace of mind.
2. The pet name you used to call each other is now gone. You are now calling each other’s birth name in non-endearing tone. Sometimes, your name turns to labels that a radio or TV wouldn’t air. 
3. Advice and counseling did not work. If you tried getting advice from your friends, elders, priests or pastors about strengthening your relationship and it did not work, it is time to think about moving on. Many can give you good advice but if you find yourself having a hard time doing what they told you, it is now on you.  
4. Respect has gone in the wind. Now, you cannot stand your partner’s presence. You feel irritated about his opinions and you end up in almost-never-ending argument. You shout to each other. You slam the door. He called you; you slammed the phone’s receiver. 
5. Banned from family and friends. Now, the person you meet at the office, in a bar or at a street forbids you to meet your friends and family. Oh come on! Your world is now off-balanced. 
6. Relationship became abusive. Abuse can be mental like yelling, labeling and comparing or physical like slapping, hitting and punching.

Relationship is a two-way street. It is not healthy if one or both does not benefit from each other. Leave when you know it’s time to end. Don’t look back and get ready for a new beginning. God Bless Us.

Tags: relationships, dating, advice, relationship problems

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