Untimely Pregnancy: Filipino Perspective about Marriage and Single Motherhood

In the Philippines, pre-marital sex and having a child before marriage is becoming common. Some couples who are engaged in these acts are still studying while some have a career already. Many had gotten into marriage because of different circumstances. For the young couples, pregnancy can bring a lot of pressure particularly if they are from a traditional family. Their parents may force them to get married as soon as possible because it is the right thing to do. Elders in the Philippines still believe that having a child out of wedlock is disgraceful. A child must be born with a family so that they will not become a bastardo or a bastarda. The Filipino family structure is always perceived with a mother, a father and their children. Sometimes, a dog named Bantay or Batik is added. This perspective is through the influence of church, family and school.

Unfortunately, a woman has the most to endure when it comes to the situation of untimely pregnancy. Some of these are the following:

1.  The “A” thoughts. Unwanted or untimely pregnancy can cause confusion to a pregnant woman. Her complex mind may think about the “A” word to avoid shame. Unfortunately, abortion is banned in the Philippines so she has no choice but to continue the pregnancy either it’s wanted or unwanted. However, some were able to expel the fetus by going to an abortionist or what we call a hilot. They are not real doctors; they just do it for a living. Their clinics can be found in hidden places and they use improper tools for the procedure. Examples are banana sticks and unsterile scissors. 
2. Guilt trips. If the pregnancy is not wanted, she may feel guilty most of the time. The guilt and regret is already there for doing such act that may change her life forever. However, other people still could not understand her situation including her parents. They might tell her stories about how hard they worked for her education, how annoying it is to have a child who got pregnant out of wedlock and how hard she may struggle because of her stupid choice. Those stories might be all true but they just add up to the burden. 
3. Insecurity. Her growing belly will show eventually. The stigma of pregnant-not-yet-married situation and the change in her body figure can cause her insecurity. 
4. Financial mess. A woman who is experiencing an unwanted pregnancy is more prone to financial mess considering the economy and salary here in Philippines. Some companies don’t hire pregnant women for some reasons. Some public school teachers lose their jobs for being pregnant out of wedlock. The media, institutions and some companies refute the idea of discrimination. The truth is, no matter how reasonable they are - it actually exists. 
5. Pressure. She may feel the need of getting married because of a child that is on the way. Some believe that if they marry the guy who impregnated them, the guy will feel more obligated to support their needs as a family. In addition, some just wanted to get out from a situation where she feels that she is being ridiculed and belittled while some just wanted to please their family members.

A young pregnant woman has a lot to go through but it will not be always the case if she will stay strong. Forcing her to marry may be good for the unborn child but not with God’s heart. God wants us to marry because of love and not because of having a baby. Besides, statistics showed that couples who got married because of pregnancy are more likely to end up in separation. Only a small percent stayed strong.

I am not saying that it is not good to marry once you got pregnant. If you are really planning about the marriage and you two are totally in-love or you believe that you are compatible, why not? What I am saying is one must think about marriage a hundred times before going into it because it is a lifetime commitment. Ending up in separation is more of a trouble especially to the child. Also, I have never read anything that says, “You are required to get married because you are pregnant.” The meaning of marriage is love, not pregnancy. That is the reason why priests discourage those who wanted to get married for the wrong reasons.

Did you know? Last time I checked, it is already the 21^st century. We do not live in the dark ages anymore. Humans evolved as well as our technology. I believe that our traditions must also adapt to these changes. We are now in a situation where women also work for a living. Some are actually the breadwinners of the family. Nowadays, both men and women share the same rights. So, the female society does not deserve double standardization. She must have a free-will to decide if she will marry or not. 

I know that the idea of broken family is not good. However, it will be a lot better for a child to be in a peaceful family than with a family that’s full of chaos. Chaos in the family may cause the child anxiety and some problems regarding social interactions. Also, when your child grew up, do you want him to blame his self and think about things like “If it is not because of me, they will become happier persons.”? Sometimes, if a family is not organized, a child can blame himself particularly if he knows that his parents are forced to get married because of him.

There are genuine reasons why someone cannot marry another. Whatever are they, I hope that the schools will be able to open up the minds of the youth about the structure of a family – that it is not always a mother, father, a daughter or a son and a dog. In that way, taunting an illegitimate child by the other children will be avoided. It’s now time for some of the Filipinos to open up their minds.

“Marriage will only mean a piece of paper if you did not do it for the right reasons.”

Tags: untimely pregnancy, single motherhood, marriage, pregnancy, marriage pregnancy, pregnant married, unwanted pregnancy, single mom, abortion, pinay single mom, Filipina single mom

Widget for blogger by Way2Blogging | Via Spice Up Your Blog Gadgets